What makes you lovely?

"What makes me lovely? My ability to grieve with an open heart. 

I've experienced a significant amount of loss in my life, most recently the loss of my ability to conceive naturally and my four angel babies who I lost in the womb along the way. Instead of allowing this struggle to harden or paralyze me, I fully submitted to the process and allowed it to sharpen me. Grieving has exposed the loveliest parts of myself. I welcomed people into our journey by speaking and writing openly about infertility when I could have chosen to isolate myself. I asked for help when I needed it when I could have tried (and failed) to do it alone. I was kind to myself and spoke words of encouragement when I could have accepted blame. I continued to dream about our future as parents when I could have given up hope. I continued to pursue Christ and ask the tough questions when I could have let resentment lead me astray. I allowed myself the space and time to mourn when I could have pretended I was unaffected.  I was understanding and gentle with the people in my life who were absent and insensitive during this process when I could have ended relationships that were important to me. 

I refuse to let my circumstances define who I am and what kind of life I get to live. I don't know what my future family will look like, but I know I have a beautiful life unfolding before me because I serve a beautiful God. Nothing aches quite like the loss of our children and the life that could have been with them, but nothing restores quite like believing in the good to come."

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